I've been indulging in a lot of introspection lately (you know, as opposed to...yeah), and I've been thinking on my experiences with relationships and how they've shaped my definitions of "love" and what is attractive, admirable, romantic, sexy, etc.
I haven't really done this before. I've always taken a very haphazard approach to my personal desires--the "wait and see what comes along" philosophy. I've never been one of these people who has a little pre-made list of things that they "want" in and from another person. I've always found that to be decidedly un-romantic and methodical to a frightening degree. I still find it so, but I find myself thinking about my views on interpersonal attraction and relationships more and more.
I think that I might formulate my own list over the next few days, when I can get these thoughts settled and put down on paper. I can make a rudimentary list for the moment:
We'll call it "things that I appreciate":
Intelligence. This is pretty much a given. I think that my mental vs. physical ratio in terms of attraction is significantly skewed in favor of the mental. This is likely because I fell in love with my first boyfriend before I ever saw him (we were introduced on a three-way phone call by a mutual friend and communicated solely over the phone for two months before he asked me out). I find people who can "beat me at my own game", if you will, to be incredibly sexy. I enjoy word problems, logic games, games of chess and Monopoly and Civ III. I was on a legal team for Youth in Legislature in high school and my former fiancee had been on the same team the year before I met him. One of our first meetings was at Model U.N. and involved an hour-long, rather heated argument about the Security Council's resolutions regarding Israel (I was representing Israel--he sat on the Council). I don't remember who won, but he did end up taking me to his Spring Formal not long afterward. Anyone who happens to also be multi-lingual is a particular weakness of mine. I once knew this Finnish boy who was raised in Chile, spoke seven languages, and liked to read Neruda to me in the original Chilean Spanish. He had a girlfriend. You could call it "torture", if you wanted to be polite.
Power/ambition. Those who know me well know that I enjoy power--I like to play around with it as much as possible. I like the challenge of tripping the little mental, physical, and emotional locks that everyone has.
While I often use any knowledge that I glean in this area for good (indulging various conjectured desires, selecting gifts, etc.), I have admittedly also used it for moderate evil (Im'ing them at work to tell them about my day while counting down how many minutes it takes for them to get their car keys, etc.). I like finding out how far they're willing to go on every level and then testing their limits. I like (playfully) breaking them and daring them to break me. This would be the root of my penchant for D/S and I take the adage that subs invariably hold the power in those situations very much to heart.
Sense of humor. On the whole, I find life in general to be full of humor--good, bad, black, eccentric, and everything in between. I enjoy making other people laugh and I enjoy laughing in return. As I tend to laugh a lot in bed, especially, people who can't bring themselves to do the same tend to disturb me on some fundamental level. Constant self-deprecating humor also tends to disturb me--but a little bit goes a very long way, especially if it's done well.
Contemplation. I'm drawn to people who think--about life, their own natures, their environment. This has often taken the form of some kind of artistic expression (I've been involved with poets, musicians, playwrights, composers, aspiring screenwriters, photographers, singers, etc.), but has also translated into a general curiosity about themselves and the world. People who don't ask "why?" about anything, ever, confuse me no end.
Sensuality. I'm often at the mercy of my senses--particularly those of smell and taste. I dream less in images and more in sensual details. This, unfortunately, has translated into my having rather expensive tastes. I like French perfume because it lacks that chemical edge. I like Egyptian cotton, raw silk, cashmere, high thread count oxford cloth, velvet, leather, feathers, and fur. Sugar scrubs and milk baths. I like single-malt scotches, Chimay, and good red wine. Russian amber. The lines on vintage Jaguars. Considering my always limited income, I've had to learn some serious lessons in restraint. I'm often glad that I don't have a credit card because I'd be almost helpless in the face of custom corsets, silk stockings, velvet longcoats, and tailored suits. My saving grace has been that I derive similar pleasure from the feeling of rain on my skin, the smells of horses and sweat and woodsmoke, and the tastes of tobacco and cinnamon ice cream. In order to really comprehend the way that I experience the world, someone would have to understand my connection to the things best enjoyed when one's eyes are closed.
Courage. I'm an adrenaline junkie. Rather, I'm an earth-bound adrenaline junkie (I'm terrified of heights and falling). I have a serious thing for motorcycles and speed in general. When I lived alone in Long Beach, I would often take my car out on quiet nights and drive the freeways for hours or go up to Mulholland and lean back into the curves for a little while. I'm not adverse to "danger" because I know my own limits and I respect them--and everything falls in line accordingly. This is also the root of my barely-held-at-bay passion for tattoos. In my experience, there have been few nights as indulgent as the one I spent after being in a chair for seven hours. I ended up at a slave auction at a club in LA, dancing on a pedestal (in a mini-kilt and boots) with a gorgeous brunette (in a corset and garters). The endorphin rush lasted for hours, eventually fading into that wonderfully cloying sting of fresh ink under one's skin. Unadulterated heaven.
I'll continue later, as I've already gone on longer than intended. These are my basics--in retrospect, not very basic at all, I suppose. I also have a thing for hands, the ability to pick me up and carry me without hesitation, green eyes, and anyone who can honestly surprise me.
If that helps.
